Already?
So here I am, trying to work stuff out and take advantage of this time apart from him to really grow as a person and take care of some long-standing issues. Resolved not to get involved with anyone for a while, and certainly not to find myself in another committed relationship for a while.
And then. Mr. New York.
Mr. New York and I have been friends throughout the year. We’ve flirted, but I’ve always been in a relationship and he seemed dissinterested in me aside from a girl to flirt with. Then he found out. That we’re taking time apart. And he made it very clear, I am not just a girl to flirt with.
We spoke for three hours nonstop. About nothing. About our pasts. Goals. Habits.
We laughed and teased.
And then he made a proposition. Tomorrow, since we’ll both be studying in the library, why don’t we relieve some stress in a private study room?
I’m blushing and intrigued. But I know better.
So today in the library, I see Mr. New York. Hidden on my laptop where no one can see he reminds me of last night’s propostion. I want to. I’m craving physical contact. A really intense make out session could definitely fill that void.
And then something different happens.
A lightbulb goes off. And I’m reminded of my fresh mistakes with the other. The one I can’t even look at or talk to anymore. The one I so recently swore off, and continue to secretly long for when the sheets rest on top of my lonely body instead winding among two.
Not this time. I’m honest with him. I tell him I don’t want another “just for fun” guy. I apologize and tell him I’d rather get to know him better, take my time.
A pause. I nibble on my fingertips, staring at the screen, waiting on his response. He thinks I’m a prude. He thinks I’m weird. He’s never going to talk to me again. I’m thirteen again.
Then Mr.New York says – “you know, that actually turns me on even more. can I take you out to dinner tonight?”
I’m shocked. I’m blushing. I’m muffling a pre-pubescent squeal of giddy excitement.
And so he does. He takes me out to dinner. And we talk. And it’s great.
And it hits me. This is what dating is. I’m dating.
But already? I wonder what my therapist will say about this on Monday.
